Favorite Dollar Store Jebus Pic

Favorite Dollar Store Jebus Pic
This is the Jesus Christ of the Jebus Crusters (Note: NOT Semitic)

Monday, July 25, 2011

Little Arguments With "God" Part One

My sister in law recommended I see the Sigourney Weaver movie, Prayers for Bobby, and I knew from the title that the picture is going to have some religion in it, but I will see it as a DVD, as it is only $1 plus sales tax in the Red Box Kiosk. I am hoping the film winds up saying that what Bobby needs is not prayers but understanding and compassion. He certainly will not get anything like that at evangelical behavior modification centers like Mrs. Dr. Marcus Bachmann’s Phd-holding husband.

As is befitting a subservient hand maid Stepford wife (pardon the neo-criticism of the wonderful Ira Levin novel). As the Bachmanns firmly believe their scripture – the canonicals and the letters of Saul-Paul the Syrian zealot – finds same sex couples “abominations unto the Lord,” Mrs. Dr. Bachmann’s reopened the nature versus nurture debate is critical to an understand of where these simpletons are coming from.

With only dogma to guide them (or, perhaps, justify their fear, distrust, and total lack of human compassion), the Nurturist Argument goes, gay people are “that way” because they choose to be. The Naturist Argument, with which I am much in sympathy, holds that environment has nothing to do with it at the fundamental level. The Naturists have science on their side and make the better argument, that neurobiology tends to confirm Lady Gaga’s thesis we are born that way.

The religious Nurturists have a problem. They say on the one had that homosexuality is "an abomination unto the Lord," yet the Lord keeps putting gay people on earth. This brings one back to the Argument from Evil, as these same Nurturists urge upon freethinking peoples their pitiful free will argument: "God" allows people to commit evil acts even though God is good and omnipotent and could prevent the choice to do the evil as adverse to the good thing. “God” gave us freedom of will. If we choose to be evil, that isn’t “God’s” fault.

But it is. A good, omnipotent “God” could have designed man so that every choice he has allows selection because it is the right thing to do: a genuine example of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, a lesson of Confucius many centuries before Christ, by the way.

“God” disproves himself by fallacious reasoning. He proves himself an impossibility.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Prosperity Gospel & Gay Marriage

I've always speculated on the role discretionary spending plays in the minds of evangelicals. Ted Turner said Christianity is a "religion for losers," and we know the popular refrain, "nice guys finish last." The Prosperity Gospel is a feel good free trade doctrine inimical, one might think, to the prophet's philosophy. One is supposed to help others, after all, not horde wealth. (This hypocrisy is hardly limited to Christians. How much equality is there in a Muslim country ruled by oil profiteering ayatolahs who siphon riches off the top and throw the crumbs to the rest of the believers?)

Enter gays and lesbians requesting the simple human right to marry. The wedding planners in New York State are working overtime throwing that cash around. Studies show that partnered queer people make on average 44% more income than similarly situated heterosexual couples. Could it be that what really chafes Tony Perkins' ass is not that the Booble says gays and lesbians are abominations before the Lord, it's the Prosperity Gospel saying queers shouldn't be entitled to all that much money. This might make being a homo attractive to Perkins' children so that they could fall into the clutches of the perverts and have their lives destroyed as a result.

Yes, and Santa Claus has a reindeer named Rudy and the Easter Bunny comes with spring every year. And there's a real Tooth Fairy. No one has any more proof of those imaginary beings than we have of "Jesus Christ," much less proof that a personal deity gave a son for whatever religion says are our sins.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Why the Rapture is Stupid

At the time John of Patmos penned his "Revelations" the known world was ruled by Rome. Nero had spies everywhere. Like the Nazis with their Enigma Code, the early Christians utilized a system of letter-number transposition known as esopsephia. (Those practitioners of Cabala (Qabalah) employ a similar system in Hebrew known as gematria whereby Hebrew letters were assigned numbers, supposedly to reveal divine messages in the O.T.)

It is no coincidence, then, that To Mega Therion in Greek equals not only "The Great Beast" but also "Nero Caesar." The number, 666, in isopsephia is the same for both phrases. In order to warn his Christian brethren of the greatest enemy facing them, John sent coded epistles to far-flung corners of the known world -- coded because, obviously, if a Roman centurion managed to confiscate the parchment (or whatever they wrote on), no suspicion would be raised that the gibberish found in the document said anything about the emperor. Discretion was the better part of valor.

Now, here come these apocalypse freaks, claiming that signs and portents spell doom and gloom, and their silly, gullible followers, clutching their Bibles, run about with "The sky is falling" on their lips, Chicken Littles all. How ridiculous they look, trying to pinpoint the exact date of something that happened, if at all, a couple of thousand years ago.

The real danger, exemplified by the likes of John Hagee and his American-Israeli organization, is that the Rapture Nuts view the Palestinian problem as "God's" plan for bringing about the End Times. In other words, a foregone conclusion. They do not want peace in the Mideast. The exacerbation of existing tensions is part of their agenda to bring about total annihilation of the peoples of the earth. This is why they are all dangerous lunatics who should be shunned as pestilence. Viewing the Book of Revelations as prediction of future events would be comical if it were not so deadly serious.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Commercialized Jebus Crustian Gospel According to Black Rap Singing Bishop

Christianity, as a valid religion, began to decline late in the 20th century, especially in America. The rise of the electronic media was its partial crucifixion, but the surrender of the soul has become a 21st century phenomenon, largely propelled by the marginalization of the believers. That is only partly due to believers' susceptibility to criticism from freethinking people, and then there is their ongoing utter debasement -- I would call it whoring -- in death throes, which is most unseemly. Small wonder that so many cracker evangelicals openly rail against Shariah law: they're jealous of the inroads made by Muslim clerics toward theocracies, which as we have seen of late tend to be inimical to democratic principles.

I thought I had seen it all when a local megachurch headed by a moonfaced buffoon with spiked hair and a voice that would be envied by a carnival barker sent out salacious postcards displaying scantily clad couples whose marriage needs a jolt of Prosperity Gospel viagra. Then Rev. Bil (yes, one "l," he's never heard the word "affectation") and his perfect little Barbie Doll wifey copastor (these women are given dispensation from the requirement of remaining nothing but a help mate; after all, the wifey copastor is always part of the shill). You will pardon my use of carny language but when the shoe fits, --

These two bimbolimps put huge Bil-boards on every freeway in town with slogans like "Don't Go to the Megachurch. -- SATAN." And "I Died at the Megachurch. -- SATAN." I am surprised the city did not remove them to prevent accidents as people slow down to gander. This seemed to me the most incredibly flagrant example of what I consider the degradation of the Christian religion. With such mindless commercialism and rank hucksterism taking place, we atheists can simply sit back and watch the religion fade, like the worship of Dionysus, into history and legend. Christianity is already a myth; we are seeing the death of the cultus.

Enter Bishop Prince Moultry. Here is his curriculum vitae:

"Bishop Prince J. Moultry is the Pastor of the InTouch Christian Center. He is renowned for his innovative approach to addressing the overwhelming social issues such as gangs and violence that plague the urban Cleveland, Ohio community. He has received numerous awards including in F.B.I. Directors Community Leadership Award in 1995. Bishop Moultry is a facilitator at the Antioch Baptist Church's Project Respect, a job and readiness and placement program, the CEO of the Greater Cleveland Jail Division Program, and Chaplain for the East Cleveland jail.

"Bishop Moultry authors a weekly column in the Cleveland Life Magazine and is the composer of the first Roman Catholic Church Gospel Soul Mass. He will embark on a concert tour later this year."

Imagine that! He's also a shameless proselyte whose latest ploy was a "mock retrial of Casey Anthony," staged at his In Touch With Christ Christian Center in Cleveland. Apparently, Moultry thought it was the business of the church to impart "the important lesson...to protect children in Cleveland from the same fate as little Caylee Anthony." Excuse me? The last I looked our state courts are apolitical entities. You can't even post the so-called ten commandments inside a state courthouse so that religion doesn't intrude to far into judicial proceedings; we're now allowed to affirm rather than swear, which protects certain religious sects even as it protects atheists for having to say things they do not believe (and ironically thus become bearers of false witness). Religion in justice crosses the barrier between church and state.

Of course, the Moultry types do not believe in that doctrine, hypocritically -- in view of the dearth of factual proof in the historicity of their own prophet -- referring to it as a "myth." (See entry at this site about their whacky "historian," who appears on the disgraced Murdoch cable "news" as an "expert" in American history but never fails to distort or falsify recorded reality. Have I not said before, these folks are delusional?) Moultry must have thought he could do a better job than the civic minded participants in the Anthony trial, or else why stage another one? If he can preach, why couldn't he have born his "lesson" home simply by discussing the Anthony case from the Sunday pulpit?

No, Mr. Rev. Mouldy is a rap artist. His website identifies him as "Presiding Bishop" (appeal to authority) of a "Church in touch with it's [sic] Community" (aside from the spelling error, an appeal to masses) and having as its mission "winning lost souls to the glory of God" (do I envision a Crustian mission where a guy can get a bowl of soup just for praying a while?). Get this one. In the commercial web site at Facebook, Mouldy says the Church's "Products" consist of "The B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth," a dead giveaway that he is a Dominionist (i.e. theocratic) evangelical who is dedicated to bringing about the Rupture Rapture as soon as possible right now. Read your Booble while we encourage governments to take us to the Paradise with 72 Virgins and -- ooops!, wrong eschatology. Oh, well, it's the gimmicks these comedians use to get the sheep in for the shearing: pass the plate, now.

Like Woody Allen, from whom I borrow the line, I have no trouble with the Rapture, I just don't want to be there when it happens. That probably won't be the case as I think I will pass from earth from amazement at what these carnival shuck and jive artists will think of next.

P.S. The vote was eight to four in favor of guilt. Maybe Mouldy has an ulterior motive: let the congregation blow off steam. Here is the bottom line: what is the point of retrying an American in a church when a jury of her peers in a fair and impartial trial found the woman not guilty? It's too bad we can't sue Mouldy for violating the double jeopardy clause. Such a "service" at Mouldy's church (they actually called it a "service"!) does a disservice to democracy, the Constitution, reason, and common sense. Jesus said turn the other cheek. Yeah, right.

Sunday, July 17, 2011

Local Bumper Sticker: "Prayer: The Only Defense Against Evil"

One may pray and pray and nothing that happens can with any certainty be said to have been brought about "because" of the prayer: that is post hoc reasoning. "I prayed and God granted my prayer" in addition to being solipsistic can only be a falsehood when one considers the statistical improbabilities involved. A poor man might pray for a fortune. The following day, a rich uncle dies and leaves him a mint. The poor man got what he wanted, but at what a cost! So, blaming himself for his uncle's death, the poor man shoots himself. "How sad," the grave digger observes. "Poor fellow having a brain aneurism." The logical problems inherent in claiming that prayer is efficacious keep it from proof: as with all things not proved, its failure lay in the complete absence of scientific evidence. When hospitalized persons were prayed for they did worse than those who were not, similarly situated.

Bill Burroughs once said we could pray in one hand and shit in the other, see which one fills up faster. Precisely.

Is Marcus Bachmann a Queer? Was Paul a Homophobic Misogynist?

Mrs. Marcus Bachmann, like her nutty hubby, is committed to the Booble. The O.T. in Leviticus, and the N.T. in the gospels of the raving homophobe and misogynist zealot Saul-Paul of Tarsus, make homosexuality an "abomination," which brings the penalty of stoning to death. (I think Shariah orders beheading for the same abomination.) What LGBT (my word: "Queer") people and many progressives and freethinkers know from science and reason is that Queers are born, not made. If it were possible to fulfill the mythical gay agenda and turn all little boys and girls into raving gays and lesbians, as the nurture argument goes, then the nature argument is false. (There appears to be no room for a middle, although I myself muse on it from time to time.)

The naturists, mindful of the bumpersticker slogan "Homosexuals Prove Darwin Was Wrong," point out the illogicality of a god who condemns gays but goes on putting so many on earth, implying an arbitrary, even perhaps perverse god, certainly not one worthy of respect, much less worship. The Bachmanns want to have it both ways. Since the O.T. condemns homosexuals and the O.T. as we all know is the literal word of "God," then homosexuals must be an abomination. One must suppose that the Prosperity Gospel allows Marcus to accept Medicare funding for his homo no more clinic, even as his lunatic wife runs for president lambasting Medicare. The most abominable thing, however, may be her marriage itself: to a deeply closeted, self-loathing closet queer. He should be congratulated: he has at least reached the status of "Saint" Paul: a self-loathing homophobic misogynist.

Friday, July 15, 2011

The Christianization of the American Armed Forces

The saying, “there are no atheists in foxholes,” is a lie. In their proselytic zeal, Christians show a willingness to stoop to any fib to foist Jesus off on anyone willing to listen. They do it outside abortion clinics, they do it at gay pride events, and they do it in military barracks. They even proselytize with the dead: witness their cynical, fraudulent attempts to put causa mortis words into the mouths of Einstein and even Darwin (the latter while the proselytes are simultaneously claiming fossils were only an example of God “fooling the evolutionists”). Remember, when the lies did not work during the witch pogroms (against women who helped abort unwanted babies), they went auto da fe and used fagots (yes, one “g”) for kindling. In other words, the same crimes they are laying at the feet of evangelical Muslims in general and Wahhabists in particular, Christians and especially evangelicals themselves prove guilty.

It’s our way or the highway. Our God is the only God and he wrote or dictated every line in the Bible/Koran. But both religions cherry pick their dogma and most Christians don’t even practice the basic tenets of the faith proposed by their own prophet. How can you deny women and LGBT people basic rights or rights not equal to the “average” heterosexual male and claim that you are compassionate? Why are we ignoring diurnal reality in favor of things that existed on the ground circa 5,000 B.C.E. (O.T.) and circa 800 C.E. (Koran)? Those people didn’t even have printing presses for God’s sake!

(Ooops. Naw, I don’t believe in God, but I have a nostalgia for Him.)

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Tim Pawlenty (of Shit) on David Brooks' Editorial

If you caught Meet the Press today, you saw Gov. Tim Pawlenty (of shit) saying, of David Brooks' anti-Tea Party editorial: "Now is not the time for Rockefeller Republicanism." Duh! Nelson Rockefeller's perennial campaign to be president revealed a fairly candid, middle of the road politician who had socially liberal positions (he divorced at a time when it was tantamount to murder). What this obviously means is, Pawlenty (of shit) doesn't think normal Republicans should be consulted, implying that Brooks' chastisement of the GOP for its stubborn intransigence in debt ceiling negotiations was too sensible a solution. Pawlenty (of shit) was fortunate that the host did not bring up his failure to tell Mitt to his face that he was unelectable because of "Obamneycare." Instead, Pawlenty (of shit) was prodded into saying Mrs. Marcus Bachmann did not distinguish herself in the U.S. House. How could she? She was sponsoring such incredibly important legislation as putting the Founding Fathers, including John Quincey Adams, on a new U.S. postage stamp; a federal law making pregnant mothers of unwanted babies wait nine months before they are eligible for an abortion, and amending the U.S. constitution to read that all speech except Shariah is protected by the first amendment.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Words, Words, Words: The Semantics of "Family"

The road to hell is paved with best intentions.  Semanticists would cringe at some of the twisted ideations behind new uses of certain words, and, sadly, "family" is one of them.  Although as we all know this is an age of extended families, the traditional "nuclear family unit" is what is contemplated by the bigoted evangelicals.  They want "family," like "marriage," to be the special province of bigoted evangelical social policy, and it's tempting to flaunt the Anthony's as evidence of what many, if not most, nuclear families end up looking like.  (Note that in this case, the Anthony's really are a nuclear family: mom, pop, a boy, a girl.)  We can start with the obvious: they probably had religious upbringings, too.  All four of them are devout liars.  If false witness were punished by an omniscient God, hurling lightning, the Anthony's would be long gone, as would such Pastors as John Hagee and such PAC ops as Tony Perkins.  These people bear false witness about science and reason and a good omnipotent God would have bolted them with a billion volts long, long ago.  Of course, this begs the question: If God is omniscient why did He create the Anthony's, Hagee, and Perkins in the first place?  And while we are at it, who created God?

Friday, July 8, 2011

A Modest Proposal to Marginalize Theocratic Candidates

Like Swift, I occasionally come up with modest proposals.  Being the wife of a rabid homophobe who compares us to "barbarians," and following the same faith (evangelical Christianity -- an oxymoron if ever there was one) poor Mrs. Bachmann just can't express an opinion of her own.  First, she has become the butt of educated peoples' jokes ("John Quincey Adams was a Founding Father," "The Revolution's first shot was fired in Concord, New Hampshire"... I could go on).  Second, like Billary, you are getting a pair of ignoramuses when you vote for Mrs. Bachmann: together, like Beast and Scarlet Woman, they will bring down the U.S.A. in a blaze of Rapture as we bomb Iran and Pakistan retaliates and....Think about this: do you really want that horrid woman quite so close to the red button built into the Oval Office desk?  Third, quit calling her Michelle.  She is only a Stepfordian cypher, a mere help mate to Mr. Bachmann.  Under the circumstances, I think we should also start calling them the Backwards.